IIPMSing

Much has been written about Professor Arindam Chaudhuri, O.B.E, M.D, L.O.L.J.K, and a lot of it negative. These stories paint the portrait of a fraud, a charlatan, a conman. But I think it is important that we also see the portrait of a great, legendary, statuesque man who has changed lives. To do that, I recommend that you Google “Mahatma Gandhi Portrait” instead of reading this. But to counter all this negative press about Admiral Arindam Chaudhuri, Esq, I would like to come out in defense of the man and his institute.

Count Arindam Chaudhuri, B.A.L.L.B, is the greatest man to have ever walked the Earth. In fact, he has also walked Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and was about to set foot on Pluto, but it was so terrified of his magnificent footstep that it decommissioned itself from planet status to avoid the privilege. Pope Arindam Chaudhuri MCMXVII has also written several books, like “Discover the Diamond in You” (a searing saga of a Marwari man whose necklace comes loose), “Count Your Chickens Before they Hatch” (published in Greece as “F**K YOUR WISDOM AND ITS MOM, AESOP”), and The Bhagvad Geeta.

King Arindam Chaudhuri The Lionheart has also been responsible for producing several classics of Indian cinema, as such as Rok Sako Toh Rok Lo, which features Sunny Deol as Physically Impressive Punjabi Man. The film’s Wikipedia page suggests that Darth Chaudhuri made it to show how “the principal of management can help reduce wastage of money in the film industry.” The film achieves this by showing you Sunny Deol on the poster up-front, so you don’t pay for a ticket and thus reduce wastage of money in the film-industry. The INS Arindam Chaudhuri has also made the National Award winning Do Dooni Chaar, which was described by critics as “a fluke”.

Dr ChauDre has also been responsible for the flourishing of IIPM, the Indian Institute of People Who Pay Lakhs of Rupees For a Free Laptop And Dodgy Degree When They Could Have Bought Both (With Great Specs) For a Lot Less. IIPM is an institute that dares to dream beyond equipping you with valuable life-skills, and has produced distinguished alumni like Socrates, Cristiano Ronaldo and Albert Einstein.

“But wait, IIPM wasn’t around when Einstein was!” I hear you naysayers naysay. You are correct, but iArindam Chaudhuri 4S invented time-travel to combat that very problem, and then went back in time to tell Einstein to count his chickens before they hatched, to which Einstein reportedly replied “Dude seriously? Sunny Deol?” If you do not believe this version of events, ask yourself, who but Princess Chaudhuri could have convinced Einstein of the merits of such an atrocious hairstyle?
But IIPM offers students more than being part of a list of illustrious alumni. It also offers them a chance to learn from other places, with tie-ups with foreign universities that teach courses on “How to manage a situation in times of adversity, like for example, when you discover that the foreign university tie-up you were promised doesn’t actually exist.” It also offers students a chance to go abroad and learn through the (I am not making this up) IIPM GOTA program, which stands for Global Opportunities and Threats if you’re you, and something completely different if you’re my brain.

But the most remarkable achievement of Mount Arindam Chaudhuri’s career is deluding himself into believing that he can muzzle free press and a journalistic investigation into his dealings with the flick of a wand. This is because HTTP Chaudhuri has clearly never met the internet, a hydra-like invention where ten heads grow every time you attempt to cut off one. McArindam With Cheese has failed to realize that if you tell the internet they cannot say something about you, it only makes them say it ten times as loud, to a hundred times as many people.

Because nobody, not even Pandit Chaudhuri, is perfect, he has also failed to glean that there has never in history been such a thing as a person with 100 percent positive press. Not Jesus Christ, not Lord Krishna, not even the Korean guy who invented Gangnam Style. Perhaps it is time that Kung-Fu Chaudhuri dared to dream beyond his own nose and recognized that if you’re going to call yourself a professor, the first thing you’ve got to be ready to teach your students is that opinion is free, fair, and not subject to the whims and fancies of a businesswolf in sheep’s clothing. Though to be fair, I don’t know a single sheep who’d be caught dead in that ponytail.